Reading People by Jo-Ellan Dimitrius

Author:Jo-Ellan Dimitrius
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780345509574
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2008-09-01T16:00:00+00:00

Use of Titles

The way a person uses titles can reveal his geographic background, life experience, and upbringing. For example, most lawyers refer to the “ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” but I work with one who always refers to the “men and women of the jury.” This usage reflects his military background: military officers, who are used to addressing the troops, don’t refer to them as ladies and gentlemen but as men and women.

Many Southerners address women as “ma’am” and men as “sir” it’s a characteristic of that culture. If I heard someone I knew was from southern California consistently address men as “sir,” I’d assume he’d been in the military. If I knew he was from the South, I wouldn’t automatically make that assumption.

A title may also be used sarcastically or to show respect—or it may be purposely ignored. I came face-to-face with this technique the first time I was asked to testify as an expert witness in a trial. The issue was whether it would be possible to select an impartial jury from members of the community where the case had received substantial media coverage. The lawyer who called me as his expert referred to me as Dr. Dimitrius throughout my examination. But when the opposing counsel began to question me, he called me Mrs. Dimitrius. When I’m referred to as Mrs. Dimitrius at my sons’ PTA meetings, I don’t conclude that the speaker is trying to downplay my professional qualifications. In the courtroom, however, that is exactly what the opposing lawyer was trying to do.

Whether the use of titles reflects cultural background, respect, or some other state of mind is usually fairly obvious if you ask yourself: “Does he routinely refer to everyone in the same way?” If so, his use of titles probably reflects his cultural background. But if not, he is probably using titles on a particular occasion to convey a particular attitude—respect, disrespect, or sarcasm. Look to the context and his accompanying body language and tone of voice to see which.

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